Chatoya wasn't sure how everything had become quite such a mess.

 But she knew that it had to be sorted out, which was why she was waiting for Cougar to answer the door, shivering in the icy air. Ryars Valley was in the jaws of winter, and even her thick coat and her enormous gloves weren't keeping out the creeping cold.

 When he swung open the door, she saw the hurt dart through his eyes before his expression closed off. Maximum lockdown, she thought. Same as usual. I wish he'd stop it.

 He didn't say anything, and she was mute with anticipation, sure he would leave her on the doorstep. But he stepped aside and waved her in with a curt "You'll freeze out there."

 When she'd stripped off her layers, and he'd unthawed enough to fetch her a mug of hot chocolate, the silence descended again.

 We used to have to have trouble shutting up enough to hear each other talk. Why has that changed? Because I don't love you like you want me to? Are you punishing me, or are you embarrassed, or afraid? I don't know.

 But I do know I'm not prepared to lose your friendship over this.

 "I was wondering if I could get your help," she began.

 The golden eyes were wary, but otherwise that fetching face was immobile. "What with?"

 She scrabbled in her pockets, and dragged out a set of keys that she dangled in the air. "I'm learning to drive, but my instructor says I should practise whenever I can, and I thought..."

 "Me?" Surprise, leaching the hardness from his voice. "Isn't there someone else?"

 The words hurt. Did she make him so uncomfortable that he was prepared to jettison four years of friendship?

 "Like who?" She began to tick off her friends on her fingers. "Jepar? The Jubatus Road Peril? No way. Lisa can't drive. Thom has trouble remembering whether he's driving a car, a tank, or riding a horse. Cern's...unavailable-"

 "Too busy failing at life," muttered Cougar.

 "Yep, and Alisha - well, would you want her to teach you?"

 His dour smile seemed a small triumph to her. "I'd run the car into a lamppost just to shut her up."

 "Me too," she confided. "Please?"

 The tension in his shoulders and hands made her think of a soldier readying himself for battle. "If the rest of them weren't such rubbish drivers, I'd think this was all a plan to make me talk to you."

 Well, it hadn't exactly been the height of cunning. "It is. I just want to make it right."

 His eyes lit up, a heated mix of fury and bitterness, but she wouldn't let herself look away. It would have been cowardice. "You're in love with my brother! He's an assassin, he's an appalling excuse for a person, he's cruel and he's killed god knows how many people and he's gone out of his way to hurt you, me, everyone we know - I mean, really, what is it you see in him? Does he have a single good quality?"

 She had expected the tirade; even some of those exact words, yet her imagination could not conjure up his venom or the raw stab of the truth. It was true, every word of what he had said, and she couldn't have explained it to anyone without wrenching open her ribcage, plucking out her heart and throwing it at their feet to say: there - pick it apart, tell me if you understand it. Then ask me again.

  "What did you see in him when you looked after him on the enclave?" she retaliated.

 "I was a child! I was stupid and gullible." He turned away with a snarl, and she thought he muttered, "And I haven't changed."

 She strove for words to bridge the gap between them which widened with every passing second. "I can't explain it to you, Cougar, okay? I can't even explain it to myself. If he wasn't my soulmate, it would be different because I wouldn't know him like I do, but he is. There is a better side to him, and I suppose that's why I.." She hesitated only for a moment. "I love him."

 Cougar's expression spoke of disappointment, as if in saying so, she had failed him somehow. That gave her the spurt of anger she needed to carry on.

 "But you're right, there's an appalling side too, and I have to live with that. There have been nights where I couldn't sleep because he was hurting someone, far away, and he knew I was listening, and I think...I think he liked that. Do you think he's stopped hurting me? I love him and I hate him, and I couldn't even tell you which I feel more strongly."

 Tears sprung up in her eyes and her throat; she thrust them back, determined she would finish this with logic and passion, not because her tears made Cougar feel too guilty to speak his mind to her.

 There was a curious emotion on his face, and it took a moment to realise it was pity.

 "That doesn't sound much fun," was all he said, but he came over to crouch in front of her, looking up into her face as if he was trying to see every piece of her pain, weighing the accuracy of her words like Osiris judging souls before the gates of the afterlife.

 "Sometimes it isn't. But sometimes he surprises me."

 "He was always good at being unpredictable," he murmured, and she heard a fondness under the words that made her think she might have missed the reason for some of his anger: not because he hated his brother so much, but because he loved him. Because he too had been abandoned by the creature who shrugged off family and friends as if they were shackles that denied him his freedom. Just as she was abandoned time and again, until her world was delineated by the spaces where Blue was not.

 How he affects us, this wondrous devil. Love him, hate him, both - you can't deny he has style.

 "I used to think love was nothing to do with suffering," he said, so unexpectedly thoughtful that she blinked, making sure this was Cougar in front of her. "I'm not so sure now. I guess you have to love someone even when it's difficult." He shrugged. "I still think you're wrong. I think you've chosen someone who's going to make every moment difficult for you. But..."

 He stood, and with that simple movement, he was formidable, not only her friend but a vampire, a creature who understood the lure of blood and the thrill of the chase. She saw a coldness to his eyes that was an echo of Blue's, side by side with a tenderness that was entirely his own.

 "If I can do anything to make your life easier, I will. Just don't expect me to pretend I'm happy about this mess."

 "Really?" she said, as wrung out as if she'd been squeezed through a mangle. And yet...if he meant it, if they could begin to repair all those angry words and jagged silences,  it would be worth it.

 He gave her a curt nod. "I'll come over tomorrow. You can show me your shiny new toy."

 "It's not shiny," she said solemnly. "It's a bit dented, but it's all I can afford."

 His mouth curved, and it gave her hope. "Give yourself a rise. Then again, if you've learned anything from Jepar, you're better off destroying a piece of junk."

 "I'm a good driver," she protested, glad the talk had turned to easier subjects.

 "We'll see, babe."

~*~

 He walked around the car, eyeing the scrapes with faint horror. After a half hour spent buried in the engine, prodding at mysterious pipes and wires, he grudgingly declared she hadn't bought a complete piece of crap, and the lesson proper began.

 "So what have you covered so far?" he demanded, settled in the passenger seat after removing her pair of fluffy dice from the rear-view mirror.

 "Driving in a straight line," she offered.

 "That's it?"

 "Well, I wasn't very good at it."

 His silence spoke volumes; a bookshelf full of tomes entitled 'What Have I Got Myself Into?'. "How can you be bad at driving in a straight line? You don't have to do anything!"

 "It wobbles," she muttered in her defence.

 He wiped his oily fingers on his jeans. "Get out, I'm driving."

 "But-"

 "Out!"

~*~

 "Wobbles, as if," he said under his breath, but sounded more cheerful. He was driving one-handed, the car nipping through the busy town traffic with unnerving quickness.

 "Watch those children..."

 "They're on the sidewalk. I'm on the road. That's not going to change unless one of them's Cern in disguise." He paused. "And then I might not bother to brake. You been to see him lately?"

 "Not since November." She had no desire to see him again after their last encounter. "You?"

 "Last week. God, every time I see him, I come away with this urge to hit him until I've knocked some sense back into him." He snorted. "Yeah, you know, it's sad his soulmate bit the big one, but she was a crazy!"

 "A massive crazy," she confirmed glumly. "Last time she woke up, she killed four of Pursang's - well, most mediocre, but that's not the point. And she ate one of them."

 "She ate one?" He fumbled in his pocket for a moment, and brought out a battered pack of cigarettes. "I guess we got off lightly then. Got a light?"

 "I'm not helping you take up that disgusting habit again," she objected. Particularly not after expending so much effort convincing him to give up last time. "Besides, I don't want my car reeking of smoke."

 He glanced at her, and she could have sworn there was a hint of a laugh in his voice. "I'll open the window."

 She shook her head.

 "Look, babe, if you want my motoring expertise, you're going to have to compromise somewhere. And if you're having trouble driving in a straight line, I'm going to need something to soothe my nerves."

 "That's blackmail," she pointed out.

 "Actually, it's extortion. Light, please?" He was enjoying himself, she realised. There was little Cougar Redfern liked more than causing low-level irritation, in much the same way as a cat scratched the furniture to win attention.

 The tiniest bit of magic lit his cigarette, and the ride continued in silence until he pulled up the car, and said, "Your turn."

 She glanced around. They were in the supermarket, which was almost empty. "Here?"

 "Yep. You're staying in this big empty section, where you can't hurt anyone. Not even yourself. Now be gentle with this car - she's an old lady, and she deserves a little respect."

~*~

 The lesson didn't go as well as she'd hoped.

 "Why is this so hard? Don't move the wheel! Straight line, Toya, straight."

 Twenty minutes later: "Okay. We're going to try something radical. Turning."

 Thirty seconds later.: "Well, at least you weren't going fast. If you were a speed demon too, you'd have some serious problems. Shouldn't have more than a dent."

 "I didn't mean to."

 "Well, yeah, I got that far when you screamed and let go of the wheel. And I think it's time we discussed what your brakes are for."

 After an hour and a half of white-knuckle manoeuvres, Cougar declared himself officially beaten.

 "You are," he informed her, amazement colouring his voice, "without a doubt, and I'm including Jepar in this, the worst driver ever. It's taken me an hour and a half to teach you to drive in a straight line, and if you want to pass your test, it's time to think seriously about seducing your examiner. It's pretty much hopeless otherwise."

 She struggled for calm. "Well, you tried."

 "Yep." He threw his tenth cigarette out of the window. "And tomorrow, we'll try again."

 "Really?"

 "Yep. I haven't had so much fun in ages. You're like a one-woman travelling comedy show." His wicked grin, barely touched with savagery, lit him up, and it was her friend sat there, the first flicker of him she'd seen in too long. "Besides, if I don't teach you to drive, how are you going to run over Blue?"

 Wisely, she said nothing.